Communication In Love

Lately I’ve been observing the communication of two people I know to be in love. They love each other immensely but they cannot seem to get their communication with each other in check.

They’re not the first nor the last couple I’ll ever see with this issue, it’s a common problem that most couple’s face. However why does it happen and how can it be fixed?


Why the Miscommunication?

How many relationships have you experienced or seen that suffered from miscommunication? This doesn’t just apply to lovers or partners, but even with family and friends.

Someone says something and the other hears it and understands it as something else completely. Each then talking about something totally different from the other. Eventually one realises the other hasn’t understood their original point and BAM, an argument erupts and all hell breaks loose.

One misunderstanding after the next and then eventual break up, separation or worse live with a passive aggressive attitude.

Why does this happen? It’s simple, each person sees, hears and experiences life differently than the other. Each person will hear what they want to hear and see what they want to hear and so on. It’s all because of the filters with which they experience the world. Based on your life experiences, upbringing, traumas, inherited traits etc… you’ll perceive and react differently than someone else.


What Colours Our Perception?

As I mentioned before, every little bit of experience, belief, value and behaviour that influenced you and set roots in your mind, affect your perception of the world and how you react to it.

One person who is focused on how people see him and thinks that everyone should see the world the way he does, “the right way”, will react negatively to anyone who contradicts or challenges his perception. If it’s a sore spot for him and he places high value on his being right all the time, anytime someone proves wrong will probably be subject to attack.

Another person might see herself as a victim, someone who’s always being subjected to abuse and control. Every time someone asks her to do something or to stop something she does, she might see it as an attack on her freedom and her choices. Most likely she will retaliate and claim that the smallest request is a form of control and punishment.

How do you see their argument playing out?

There are plenty of examples, and whether each person is right or wrong is not important, as they’ll both be right when you hear their story. What they both fail to realise is that they’re not actively listening and not putting themselves in each other’s shoes. They allow their past experiences and pains to colour their actions and behaviour.


What Needs to Change?

A lot. But most simply, start by actively listening to one another. Often in fights and arguments, each party is so focused on what they want to say next and how to defend themselves, that they don’t actually hear the other side. If they gave themselves the opportunity to actually listen with an open heart (even if a bit wounded) they’ll be able to hear the other person’s perspective and maybe understand what’s really bothering them.

We all too often allow our emotions to get the better of us. Take control. How many times have you lost yourself to anger, only to say “that wasn’t like me” after you’ve calmed down? It wasn’t “you” exactly, but your ego and shadow combined – a being that comes out to avenge all the pain and suffering you’ve experienced, at often the wrong target.

Imagine a child who was bruised, beaten and abused. One who’s anger, suffering, fear and shame grew year after year, stuck in the dark, with no air to dry out his wounds nor sun or love to heal it. What kind of adult will that child become? Every time someone makes him feel he’s back in that dark place, the inner beast arises and attacks – even if that someone is actually trying to help.

Empathy is vital for good communication. Everyone has their perspective and their pain. The same way you would like to be heard out and understood, you must give the other the same courtesy.

Agree on rules. Agree on what the rules are for your fights, discussions or arguments. Is there a safe word? A word which will allow you to pause the disagreement and go back to the real world for a while? Is there a “no-no” list? A list of words neither of you are allowed to use because it’s demeaning or hurtful to the other.

Whatever rules you come up with, make sure you agree to these very crucial points; open, honest and safe communication. This isn’t just for arguments but in every day communication too.

How can you expect your partner to talk to you honestly and openly about anything if there isn’t a safe space and habit of doing so? How can they guarantee you won’t throw a moment’s weakness back in their face the next time you fight? Or likewise?


The Solution

Sit together, make a rule book and an agreement. Don’t tell each other just what you don’t want but include what you want. Even if it’s a hug or a flower or space for a set amount of time. Get into the habit of practicing, open, honest, respectful and safe communication. Acknowledge each other’s pain and perspective. Use compassion and empathy. And after it all, tell each other how much you value you one another – even if at that very moment you want to throw your partner off a cliff.

Integrate positive communication into your daily routine. In the mornings and throughout the day, share what you’re grateful for in each other and what you love in one another.

And forgive regularly.


Do you have any tips that worked out for you? Maybe some of your own experiences you’d like to share? Tell us about your point of view below in the comments section.


If you’re looking to improve and practice your communication, or want to talk about how to nurture a healthy relationship – Contact Us now for more information.

Welcome to NLP!

Welcome to NLP Life Coaching!

A lot of people have been asking me throughout my journey to becoming practitioner “What the hell is NLP?” Frequency increased especially when I published my Facebook page. I realised that there was a lack of awareness about coaching, especially NLP and that’s when I decided I had to do my part in raising awareness – especially here in Cairo, Egypt.

I’ve been plainly explaining to others that it’s like being a psychiatrist except I’m not a doctor and the techniques are a lot more practical. I’m not wrong – that is the simplified explanation however there is so much more to NLP than meets the eye.

NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is more commonly known among business professionals often as a way to better communicate with customers. A lot of the courses and workshops out there cater to Sales Reps, Marketers and Executives (just to name a few), however there is a deeper side to NLP that is rarely advertised. It can allow you to free yourself from limitations and become the person you truly are inside.

What is NLP?

Neuro-Linguistic Programming is the study of how the brain can be reprogrammed with the use of neurology, psychology, kinesiology and linguistics. The brain, like a computer can be programmed and reprogrammed. The way we see the world and the way we interact with it, is all due to the coding we have accumulated throughout our lives. NLP gives you the tools to change the limiting beliefs, behaviours and values that hold you back and keep you trapped.

How does NLP Life Coaching differ from normal coaching?

Normal coaching or even some kinds of specialised coaching e.g. business coaching, sports coaching, study coaching etc… Focus solely on the Conscious and Logic mind. Most life coaching programmes avoid digging deep into the past or uncovering and working with old wounds. Their techniques and solutions may work for a while, however they do not remedy the source of the issues.

NLP works on a deeper level, in particular through the subconscious and unconscious minds, which is where most of our programming is stored. A lot of our current issues can be traced back to wounds we attained in childhood.

For Example:

Minna grew up distrusting men and whenever she got into a relationship, she would find actions and reasons to feed her suspicions. She believed all men cannot be trusted, that they’re out to hurt her and will always betray her trust. Because of her beliefs and actions, she has pushed away every single man who’s ever tried to get close. She was never betrayed by any of the men she dated, as they never lasted long enough to prove or disprove her beliefs.

Where did her beliefs originate from? She was abandoned by her father. He left her mother to marry another woman and started a new family – never seeing her again. Her source of support and masculinity betrayed her trust – her Inner Child became wounded, carrying a trauma that wouldn’t heal.

In order to protect herself she built walls over the years, each stronger than the last. She left them before they left her. All the while deep down inside, the inner child wasn’t crying because men may betray her, but she believed that she wasn’t good enough, that she was unlovable and unworthy of being loved. After some digging she realised that she had a fear of abandonment and didn’t love herself or see her value.

Her pain lived on and grew with her, adapting and wearing new masks suited for every occasion. She lost the essence of who she really was, and allowed her past experience to dictate her reactions and behaviours in the present.

How can NLP help?

Based on the story above – NLP could help her face and heal the past in order to embrace the present and the future. She would become free of the entanglements, the limiting beliefs, values and behaviour and maybe even forgive her father and essentially herself. She would eventually be able to trust in the world again and most importantly love, value and accept who she is.

NLP can aid in your self development, awareness and healing. Coaching can help you heal old wounds, build a stronger foundation for the future, embrace and accept who you are and help you to better communicate with the world.

Some of the other areas in which NLP can help:

– Dealing and better communicating with family
– Reaching career goals and finding your passion
– Changing your negative opinion and perception of money
– Healing or handling chronic physical pain
– Letting go of bad relationships that still hold you back
– Moving on from grief and loss
– Accepting yourself and your life choices
– Reconnecting with your spirituality
– Forgiving yourself and others
– Reclaiming your life
– Working with creative blocks
– Finding inner peace
– Letting go of fears
– Healing traumas and phobias
– Handling anxiety and panic attacks

And much much more…

What kind of tools do NLP coaches use? 

Each case is unique and the tools we have as coaches allow us to creatively combine and utilise the techniques to better suit your needs.

Some of the techniques we use include:

– Timeline therapy
– Hypnosis
– Meditation
– Trauma healing
– Visualisation techniques
– Framing and reframing
– The wheel of life
– Mercedes model
– Forgiveness pattern

Just to name a few…

Is NLP enough on its own?

For many people NLP is enough to help them affect change, however each person is unique and may need to use several forms of therapy and activities to better heal or grow.

NLP works equally as well as a complimentary therapy and doesn’t hinder any progress or work you may be doing with psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors or even other coaches.

NLP works on utilising the power of your mind to help you for the better and this often means that other healthcare, psychological work or other forms of therapy end up working better and more effectively when NLP is included.

::NLP coaches cannot advise on or prescribe any medications – always consult a doctor when dealing with medication::

You are the master of your actions and reactions. You decide if you want to change and you choose the road you want to travel.

What do you want?

If you’re interested in learning more and trying out a session Contact us now and you can check out our Services here!