What it Means to Belong

What it Means to Belong

Belonging is an innate human need. We all strive for that sense of belonging from the day we’re born. We first work hard to obtain our parents’ and family’s acceptance so that we feel like we belong in our family. Then when we venture out into the world and go to nursery and school, we try to fit in and gain that sense of belonging with the outside world.

As teenagers, at that vital time in our lives, when we’re trying to make sense of everything and figure out who we are, we battle with that sense of belonging. Whether we work hard to be part of the “Popular clique” or whether we fight to be “different” because we don’t feel accepted for who we are, we constantly yearn and search for a place to belong.

Because of this we go through a variety of experiences including excluding others who “don’t fit in” or by wearing masks so we “do fit in” in hopes they don’t really see who we are and so we can be accepted as “one of them”.

Throughout my childhood I was bullied. My childhood wasn’t an easy one. The outside world rejected me for being who I was, which at the time was an extremely gullible and naive kid who wanted to see the best in everyone. I was an easy target, especially for kids who had it rough at home. Soon I became the tool which other kids used in order to feel included, that they belonged. As long as they bullied me too they were “safe” from the same treatment.

I didn’t feel I belonged with kids my own age and this feeling carried well into my teens. I didn’t even feel like I belonged within my own country or the communities I should have technically been able to get along with.

Loneliness was my friend. A clingy companion who followed me everywhere. I had to make due with what I had, and all I had was myself for a very long time. I learned to entertain myself on my own, to find solace in literature and learning about topics that intrigued me. With time after numerous battles with depression and self harm, I accepted my “alone” time. It was no longer a curse but a blessing, a way to reset and refresh from the stresses of the outside world.

Through this experience I learned to stop caring about what others thought about me. At first I did it as a sign of rebellion, retaliation towards all those who decided I wasn’t “one of them”. Eventually it became my own form of empowerment. I wasn’t held back by the thought “what will people think?” I was free. I was sure with time I’ll find my “tribe” or others who would accept me despite or because of our differences.

It didn’t begin until I began learning what it meant to accept myself. Of course this didn’t happen instantly or easily. My journey for self acceptance, like anyone else’s, included a lot of trial and error and even a few set backs. But the core belief was there “it doesn’t matter what they think of me, what matters is that I’m okay with who I am.”

I met people with whom I had a lot in common. I learned to become my own person. I learned to be okay with who I was and with who I was becoming. Some people stayed throughout my journey, some came and went, and several joined in later in life. I started creating my own family, my own tribe.

Once I was able to practice self acceptance, I began on learning to accept others. I tried to search for the common ground, even with those I had once decided “unworthy” of my time, because they had once rejected or judged me.

I decided to level up my listening skills, at first as a way of connecting with others but eventually it became my doorway to acceptance and non judgement. I discovered that people, of all backgrounds, had their own struggles and pains. They weren’t all as shallow as they appeared to be, and even those who were, with some time and conversation they allowed themselves to open up when they found a safe space with me.

As the years went on loneliness rarely came to visit. Alone wasn’t a place for him to live anymore. This was made more possible when I learned to embrace a life without expectations. It’s true that with certain groups or people I didn’t always feel like I belonged but more often than not, it wasn’t because they weren’t inviting, but because I chose to block myself off from people knowing me. I had fallen into the trap of the “listener” and forgot how to be a “sharer”. I created my own bubble of unbelonging.

Over the past year it became apparent to me that belonging is a human creation. In fact another tool the Ego uses to make us feel superior or inferior. A method to separate us from the Whole. We’re essentially all one and all come from and will return to the same source – regardless of our religious or spiritual beliefs.

We’re made up of the same matter and our souls or spirits come from the same place. We’re all born from a woman’s womb (whether naturally, surrogate or otherwise). We have the same life cycles and have the same basic human needs. Although we may have differing opinions, beliefs, values or behaviours, we’re all deep down the same. We’re unique while simultaneously all one.

It was with the acceptance of this truth that I realised we create that sense of belonging. No one dictates that for us. If we believe we belong, we belong. We choose. We belong anywhere and everywhere.

Accept that all people are different but we all have common grounds. Accept that you’re good enough and that you have your place in the world. Accept that we belong to a Whole much greater than anything we can fathom. I belong, you belong, we all belong. Create that space, it’s waiting for you.

Welcome to NLP!

Welcome to NLP Life Coaching!

A lot of people have been asking me throughout my journey to becoming practitioner “What the hell is NLP?” Frequency increased especially when I published my Facebook page. I realised that there was a lack of awareness about coaching, especially NLP and that’s when I decided I had to do my part in raising awareness – especially here in Cairo, Egypt.

I’ve been plainly explaining to others that it’s like being a psychiatrist except I’m not a doctor and the techniques are a lot more practical. I’m not wrong – that is the simplified explanation however there is so much more to NLP than meets the eye.

NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is more commonly known among business professionals often as a way to better communicate with customers. A lot of the courses and workshops out there cater to Sales Reps, Marketers and Executives (just to name a few), however there is a deeper side to NLP that is rarely advertised. It can allow you to free yourself from limitations and become the person you truly are inside.

What is NLP?

Neuro-Linguistic Programming is the study of how the brain can be reprogrammed with the use of neurology, psychology, kinesiology and linguistics. The brain, like a computer can be programmed and reprogrammed. The way we see the world and the way we interact with it, is all due to the coding we have accumulated throughout our lives. NLP gives you the tools to change the limiting beliefs, behaviours and values that hold you back and keep you trapped.

How does NLP Life Coaching differ from normal coaching?

Normal coaching or even some kinds of specialised coaching e.g. business coaching, sports coaching, study coaching etc… Focus solely on the Conscious and Logic mind. Most life coaching programmes avoid digging deep into the past or uncovering and working with old wounds. Their techniques and solutions may work for a while, however they do not remedy the source of the issues.

NLP works on a deeper level, in particular through the subconscious and unconscious minds, which is where most of our programming is stored. A lot of our current issues can be traced back to wounds we attained in childhood.

For Example:

Minna grew up distrusting men and whenever she got into a relationship, she would find actions and reasons to feed her suspicions. She believed all men cannot be trusted, that they’re out to hurt her and will always betray her trust. Because of her beliefs and actions, she has pushed away every single man who’s ever tried to get close. She was never betrayed by any of the men she dated, as they never lasted long enough to prove or disprove her beliefs.

Where did her beliefs originate from? She was abandoned by her father. He left her mother to marry another woman and started a new family – never seeing her again. Her source of support and masculinity betrayed her trust – her Inner Child became wounded, carrying a trauma that wouldn’t heal.

In order to protect herself she built walls over the years, each stronger than the last. She left them before they left her. All the while deep down inside, the inner child wasn’t crying because men may betray her, but she believed that she wasn’t good enough, that she was unlovable and unworthy of being loved. After some digging she realised that she had a fear of abandonment and didn’t love herself or see her value.

Her pain lived on and grew with her, adapting and wearing new masks suited for every occasion. She lost the essence of who she really was, and allowed her past experience to dictate her reactions and behaviours in the present.

How can NLP help?

Based on the story above – NLP could help her face and heal the past in order to embrace the present and the future. She would become free of the entanglements, the limiting beliefs, values and behaviour and maybe even forgive her father and essentially herself. She would eventually be able to trust in the world again and most importantly love, value and accept who she is.

NLP can aid in your self development, awareness and healing. Coaching can help you heal old wounds, build a stronger foundation for the future, embrace and accept who you are and help you to better communicate with the world.

Some of the other areas in which NLP can help:

– Dealing and better communicating with family
– Reaching career goals and finding your passion
– Changing your negative opinion and perception of money
– Healing or handling chronic physical pain
– Letting go of bad relationships that still hold you back
– Moving on from grief and loss
– Accepting yourself and your life choices
– Reconnecting with your spirituality
– Forgiving yourself and others
– Reclaiming your life
– Working with creative blocks
– Finding inner peace
– Letting go of fears
– Healing traumas and phobias
– Handling anxiety and panic attacks

And much much more…

What kind of tools do NLP coaches use? 

Each case is unique and the tools we have as coaches allow us to creatively combine and utilise the techniques to better suit your needs.

Some of the techniques we use include:

– Timeline therapy
– Hypnosis
– Meditation
– Trauma healing
– Visualisation techniques
– Framing and reframing
– The wheel of life
– Mercedes model
– Forgiveness pattern

Just to name a few…

Is NLP enough on its own?

For many people NLP is enough to help them affect change, however each person is unique and may need to use several forms of therapy and activities to better heal or grow.

NLP works equally as well as a complimentary therapy and doesn’t hinder any progress or work you may be doing with psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors or even other coaches.

NLP works on utilising the power of your mind to help you for the better and this often means that other healthcare, psychological work or other forms of therapy end up working better and more effectively when NLP is included.

::NLP coaches cannot advise on or prescribe any medications – always consult a doctor when dealing with medication::

You are the master of your actions and reactions. You decide if you want to change and you choose the road you want to travel.

What do you want?

If you’re interested in learning more and trying out a session Contact us now and you can check out our Services here!